Jane Wood Johnston Mitchell/Michel to John Milton Binckley, 6th May 1864

Cessford, 6th May 1864

My dear Milton,

Your truly acceptable letter deserves a better reply than I feel capable of granting -- for I am weary and heartsick -- faint with anxiety and  dread. Even now some fatal shot may have robbed me of my child [William Manning Mitchell,  1840-1908]  or my brother [Joseph Eggleston Johnston, 1807-1891]. And I a thousand miles away, not even allowed the sad privilege of one last look. I have always felt that my place ought to have been in the midst of my suffering friends -- their dangers, toils & afflictions should have been mine too, and the hardest part of my lot, is this separation from those beloved ones to whom I could have given comfort and help in many a time of pain and trial. 

Milton, I ought to have spent all these years in the Hospitals of my own land -- there I could have done good: nature fitted me for a nurse, in scenes of danger, which would appal most women. What an unspeakable longing fills me now, to be beside our poor wounded heroes, to tend them day and night, and to alleviate, in some part, their sufferings. This has been & is the one thing I crave. God has seen fit to deny me, no doubt in Wisdom, but it has been such trial as none can know. That I who love my native land as the Jews of old did Jerusalem, should be utterly cut off from it! 

We are all, in this quarter, spending these days in torturing suspense -- almost every woman has a son, a husband, or a brother, in Lee's army. Poor Kate Smith! [H]ow I feel for her! [K]nowing that her husband is in hourly peril, & utterly unable to go to him, or to hear from him, & she, like myself, is surrounded by strangers -- that makes it worse.

But I did not intend to write in this strain. Consider it, I pray you, as alltogether involuntary -- the overflowing waters of a deep & troubled stream. You will bear me witness I rarely name my sorrows to any one now. What I wished to write about was a more pleasing theme -- viz. -- planning for daughter [Mary Louisa Mitchell, 1838-1930] and the little one [Nella Fontaine Binckley, 1860-1951] to come down ere long. 

At length I am at liberty to form plans for the summer. Dr. Colson has ascertained to his satisfaction, from the Provost himself, that no measures for the punishment of recusant ladies will be entered into, so long as they are quiet. So I may safely count upon being undisturbed -- as none of us are anxious to be made martyrs -- we only ask to be let alone. 

And now I turn at once to what I most anxiously desire -- to have my child with me. You say it does her good to be here -- and I believe it is a real enjoyment to her. I want you and her to make arrangements for her to come down as soon as possible. Harvey expects to go to Baltimore towards the close of this month, to dispose of his potatoes, & to purchase some supplies for the family. He will go in the sail vessel which will carry his "crops" -- but, if Louisa should prefer coming in the steamer, he will return by that conveyance. At all events, he will run over to Washington for a day or two, & will readily fall into her plans. Ask her to write me fully on the subject. I should be truly gratified, my dear Milton, if your mother [Charlotta Stocker Binckley, 1788-1877] would come down with L. I think her health would be benefited by the change, & I believe she would find much to enjoy in this part of the country. We have a circle of excellent society around us: & I am bold to say that any friend of mine will receive a cordial welcome here. I cannot promise her good fare, but we have plenty of cabbage & potatoes & beans -- so she will not starve, especially as milk is abundant now. The rosebugs have not eaten up all the fruit yet, & we hope to gave a good quantity. They have not left a flower, but their time is nearly out, & then the blossoms will put forth again with fresh beauty. I am so glad that you have secured the home you all love so well. This is a poor return for your long letter -- but til all I can do to-day. Harvey is about to write. God bless and keep you all. Your loving mammy.

Pictured at top: INTERIOR, PARLOR - Cessford, U.S. Route 13, Eastville, Northampton County, VA, Library of Congress. Link here.

Original manuscript in the John Milton Binckley Papers, 1816-1943. Library of Congress Manuscript Division Washington, D.C. 20540 USA. This is my rough transcription. 

Many thanks to William Myers for sending scanned copies of the documents from the Binckley papers, and also to Mary Davy and Sally Young for their assistance.