John Milton Binckley, June 1859 Travel Diary, Page 60

[John Milton Binckley, June 1859 Travel Diary, page 60. Many thanks to William Myers, Mary Davy, Sally Young and Sue Davis for their ongoing research collaboration; specifically to William for providing scans of the original document, and in turn many thanks to Peter Johnston Binckley and Patricia D'Arcy "Trish" Binckley (1951-2007), at the source. This is my rough transcription. Extra paragraph breaks inserted for easier reading.]

& feel better, sit with conductor & baggage master for several hours, returning to Mother at intervals. And smoking strait on.

Resolve to try a snooze if possible. Ruffled, necessity mother of invention, can't get my head right. Take handkerchief & tie up a loop from window to seat, or in some shape I have not time to describe, and wouldn't if I had. Got my head in it. Got round my neck. In short, hung myself & was alarmed at an a suicide, wondered if an instructive conviction of my uselessness, & character as a common nuisance had impelled me to suicide. Concluded to defer till Mary shall have disappointed me or jilted me or something else improbably grievous should occur. 

Day begins to break. Terre Haute in night. Town looks like outskirts of Washington. Scattered over square miles big as a German principality. Fine place. Here we stop 25 minutes for breakfast. Change cars again too. 

[John Milton Binckley (1831-1878).
Mother = Charlotte Stocker Binckley (1788-1877)
Mary Louisa Michel/Mitchell (1838-1930).]