Letter from Jane Johnston Mitchell/Michel to Her Husband Harvey in Washington City, August 13, 1861

Jane Mary Wood Johnston Mitchell/Michel at Wheatly (Liberty/Bedford, Virginia) to her husband Harvey Mitchell/Michel in Washington City, August 13, 1861.

An opportunity offers, beloved husband, of sending you a sealed letter. I eagerly avail myself of it, for oh! how inexpressibly have I longed to hold some intercourse with you. I have sent letters by various ways, time after time, but have no reason to believe that any of them have ever reached you. I have been utterly at a loss to divine your wishes or intentions, could only judge what seemed to me you would desire. I have refused to go back [to Washington City] with Milton, because I did not believe it could be your desire, or the part of prudence to remain in your present position. I think I should only add to your difficulties by going to you now. I am perfectly sure that the Union can never be restored -- both sides are too much separated for that. The Republican government is rushing to its ruin -- it is already a despotism which has trampled under foot laws & Constitution. 

Is it safe or wise (setting aside all preference) to cling to such an administration? Can you trust it? Can you follow its fortunes? I love our little home in Washington; I love the independence I have enjoyed there. I dearly love many precious friends there, but I feel that this war has cut off all things from me. Washington must unavoidably soon cease to be the seat of federal government; & then what would you do? Follow in the train of that false & tyrannical set to a distant land? Seek a new home among a people of different character, adverse opinions, natures foreign to your own? Give up every relation & friend on earth? And all for a stipend, held at the will of a perfidious set who will throw you off whenever their party interests require. I cannot believe that you think it best for you, in view of these circumstances, to remain in your present place. It is for this reason I have deemed it most advisable for me to remain here until I know your purposes for the future.

Observe, my dear husband, I do not decide for you. I am only trying to adopt that line of conduct which in my opinion you will approve. If I have erred, it is not too late for me to repair my mistake. I shall surely abide by your determination whatever it cost me in the way of feeling. Remember we have had no means of conference or communication. I have had only my knowledge of you in the past to lead me in judging for the present. I have gone through more mental suffering & anxiety than I can tell. 

The parting from my precious child & my darling little one has almost killed me, and the torturing anxiety I have felt for their safety has been terrible. At this moment I cannot conjecture where they are, or what is before them. I heard of their arrival in Louisville, & waiting there for Milton, who was in Richmond. By a letter from him received yesterday, I find he remained there a week -- why, he does not intimate, & I can't imagine. I trust they have met by this time.

Oh husband, my kind & loving one, if I could only see you for one hour, I should have new strength, fresh courage. I feel utterly weak & helpless and downcast -- whichever way I turn seems dark and full of trouble. I have the sole comfort of knowing that I have tried to act, according to the lights I had for the best. If I have erred through the short-sightedness of our nature, you at least, will not judge harshly of me -- turn to the times of old, & ask your heart if I have not been fond and faithful, in adversity, as in joy. I know  I have sought your happiness always, & have been ever ready to make any sacrifice you desired. Do you believe me less ready now? I know you do not. I write in total uncertainty of what you may have done. This suspense is wearing me out. Let it be ended, I pray you, as soon as possible.

The person who takes this will bring your answer to Richmond, then a day brings it here. 

Robert has returned from the Springs much improved. I think the waters have saved him. My poor boy is still suffering greatly at times. Sue & all the others send best best love, with unfailing truth & tenderness ever yours.

Jane 

Original manuscript in the John Milton Binckley Papers, 1816-1943. Library of Congress Manuscript Division Washington, D.C. 20540 USA. This is my rough transcription. 

Many thanks to William Myers for sending scanned copies of the documents from the Binckley papers, and also to Mary Davy and Sally Young for their assistance over the past few years.