My dear Father,
I will not try to tell you how your dear letter affected me, poor dear Father, if I could only help & comfort you, but God has seen fit to place me where I have only the privilege of suffering those I love. We too here have our own trials, & your letter while it pained me, it was a great comfort, oh such a comfort! I sent it up to Ma, & it affected her just as it did me, but she is comforted too, first to feel thankful your heart is with us & you do not blame her for not going back to Washington, no indeed she she could not have done otherwise, if you were here dearest Father you would say the same, I know you too well to doubt it for an instant, things cannot be seen from two points representing the same view, & to know what is going on here, you must be here.
Just as everyone south of Wa[shington] must hear much that is untrue, even the fact of a "flag of truce being fired on" is a gotten of tale, not a word of truth in it, at least as I hear, but there are truths I could relate which are enough to curdle one's blood, . . . that can be produced to prove that the Convention even in that cruel thoughtless act, is not alone in doing a wrong to the poor & helpless & where there are now suffering families in Wa[shington] from that act, there are those not 200 miles from us, suffering from the most unprovoked violences, homeless & houseless, for indeed, it is plain to see Va. has erred in that law (& none feel it more than I do) but she has not yet countenanced the invasion of her sister states (as were) & if necessity compel her to retaliate, God grant she may never forget to protect innocent woman & children.
Father dear we are sure you will come, oh dearest Father I do not feel competent to anger you, & yet I believe my heart will break if you do not, & if I your daughter, who will be forever separated from you unless you do come cannot urge you, who can[?] I feel it a responsible position I place myself in, to try & influence you either way, especially as you seem to feel your services needed to Bro & Lou, yet surely he has a much better charge to get along in Wa[shington] than you have, he compromises nothing by staying where he is & consequently can do so with impunity, but neither he nor anyone else has any more right to influence you in this, than I have, not as much, for I can see things differently from what he does, oh if they who advised so strongly your remaining in Wa[shington] only knew the grief & anxiety which would have been saved by letting you follow your own impulse (so natural too) now you would have had some employment no doubt & even your household goods could have been saved, but oh Father came even now as soon as you possibly can, & go to work amongst us somewhere. I cannot believe you will do otherwise, whatever others may say, unless you haven't even the means, all your friends seem to feel for you, & we try to leave all to God, if it is His will, I will bow to it, but I must & will say, I could not have a greater trial.
I hope by the time you get this, Lou and Brother will be with you, we heard from Lou in Louisville, she got that far safely, & was waiting there to hear from Brother who was in Richmond when we heard from him. I did not want to see him so much.
Father dear don't let all these troubles weigh you down, everywhere there is suffering and distress, but it is not of a kind to do more than humble us. God will be with us in the future as in the past if we trust Him. There is nothing so appalling after all in all this trouble except the alienating families & friends, & while I can pray for my enemies, I could if necessary defend myself against them with a clear conscience, we have a right to the homes God has given us, & more shall make us afraid. This feeling grows stronger & stronger, & the greater the atrocities committed in our midst, it mortifies me to feel any I love so near the principal cause of all this evil, much less under any obligation to such a Government.
I would no I feel myself degraded in begging my bread first, but you will not think me entirely beside myself for saying so, I am mild to what those around me are, yet I may be wrong. God grant us all more reason, in these sad times, especially grant us charity. I am delighted dearest Father to find we can get letters to you at last, oh if you could only have resigned that day & come away, how glad our hearts would now be.
Ma has suffered so much from anxiety & care, she is not as well as she was, but your letter to me has kindled a spark of hope, surely it was only circumstances placed you as you now are, & no act of your own, for none of us had anything to do with bringing about that state of things, & we are not responsible for it. God will care for us all, Father. I feel confident He will.
I wish I had something direct from Lou, but feel if she has not yet gone on to Washington she is in safe hands. Mr. Whittle [Francis McNeece Whittle, 1823-1902] had invited her to his house, & he will be a brother to her till my Brother can get to her, dear little Nellie was such a darling, it upset me more to see one of her little shoes after she left, than anything I have met with lately.
May God preserve & keep my precious Father & guide him in all things, I feel confident He will. Get your pay Father & resign. Brother will be sure to get back & Lou too they will have the use of the house & furniture.
Your loving daughter
C.
[p.s.] I was so sorry you sent such a message to Mr. Goode. I could hardly deliver such a message, when I have just written him a long letter thanking him for all his kindness to your wife & daughter, he was just as kind to dear Lou as he could be, & his sympathy was as strong as the most affectionate of Brothers, & I have never heard him do else than represent my Father's position in its right light, that too when some who have professed more acted contrarily.
Original manuscript in the John Milton Binckley Papers, 1816-1943. Library of Congress Manuscript Division Washington, D.C. 20540 USA. This is my rough transcription. There are no paragraph breaks in the original.
Many thanks to William Myers for sending scanned copies of the documents from the Binckley papers, and also to Mary Davy and Sally Young for their assistance over the past few years.
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