Beverly Randolph Johnston to Eliza Mary Johnston, March 17, 1844

[Beverly Randolph Johnston at Wytheville, Virginia, to Eliza Mary Johnston care of Wade Hampton, Jr., Esq., Columbia, South Carolina, mail via Richmond, March 17, 1844. Box 25, Folder 1, Robert Morton Hughes Papers, Special Collections and University Archives, Patricia W. and J. Douglas Perry Library, Old Dominion University Libraries, Norfolk, VA 23529. This is my rough transcription. Additional paragraph breaks added for easier reading.]

My dear Eliza

I received your truly welcome letter some days since, shortly before I left home for this place where I have been on business for a week past. Your censure of my silence might have been less severe than it was, for more reason than one.

In the first place a rebuke does not come with the best grace in the world from you; inasmuch as I have written just as often as yourself. Let it be remembered, also, that of a task so dull as writing to me was put out of your head by the excitements of travel, the gayeties of Columbia, or the copious conversations of Uncle Syd: that I too might be engrossed by cares, or pleasures, or cases interfering with the delightful occupation of letter writing.

I do trust, at least, that we both have learned not to estimate affection by the length or number of letters which we traditionally write or receive. In truth, I am inclined to suppose, that if you had known how my winter had been spent, till within the last ten days, even the mild, implied reproof which you gave me would have been spared.

I spent the entire month of November in a trip to Cabell. I was much exposed on the journey by reason of bad weather and high water, and contracted an indisposition in consequence, of which I am only free within a few days.

In December, I had only a few well days. In January none: in February none. So you may well imagine that a winter spent in the solitude of my office, just sick enough to be unfit for professional occupation, & just languid enough to abhor the idea of labor, must have been gloomy enough to expiate more offenses than my conscience accuses me of towards you.

You were already, as I learned from your letter, alarmed and distressed with the idea of your Aunt Sally’s ill health and I thought it would be unkind to write to tell you of a condition of my health which might unnecessarily disquiet you on my account.

So you see that altogether I can make out a very plausible case in excuse of my many sins as a correspondent. Above all, I hope that whatever be my demerits in the matter, you will not be what some one calls “wanting that sweet weakness, To forgive.”

I received a letter from your brother ‘tother day not written in exactly the most amiable temper towards me. The truth is, that he was greatly annoyed by my silence, and my failure to furnish him some certain monies which he required; and which I, being disappointed in getting them in Cabell, and disabled from obtaining elsewhere by my confinement at home as well as other causes which I will not weary you by reciting, could not send him.

I was hoping all the time for a speedy recovery which would remove all difficulty, and thus was unwilling to write till I could do more. All this was unexplained to Pres, and he was provoked and pained accordingly: and so expressed himself. I was grieved and pained in this matter, not so much on my account as his: not so much that he evinced less of kindness in his feelings towards me and less of confidence in mine towards him than I might have wished: as that he suffered pain and mortification.

As for myself, I have long since learned a lesson which teaches me to endure misconstruction of my actions or motives from those who are dear to me. If we wish a reward for what we do for others, we can only find an assured one in our own bosoms. And this, true as it is in general, is most true with a person unfortunately prone, like myself, to suppress all displays or expression of feeling, and desiring to be judged by acts, rather than professions of regard. This willingness to be and unwillingness to seem, while it does no harm to others, is apt to occasion many a wound to ourselves. But enough sundry stubborn and unenviable qualities, I have likewise this, and knowing and foreseeing the usual result, yet I shall not change. I am content to abide the penalty. But I have dwelt longer on matters rather concerning me than any one else, than is any good taste.

Such money as you may require tell Syd to furnish you on my account and I will replace it within 30 days after I am advised of the advance. This is more convenient than a remittance by mail of Virginia money not current in S. Carolina. There is likewise another reason. I am out of money now, and must buy my peace with Pres by sending him the first I can get. My poverty is only temporary, the result of sickness and confinement during the winter. I am now well & free and shall soon have what others want.

I hope your winter has been a pleasant one, more so than mine. I am, and whatever you or others may think, shall be ever, most affectionately yours

                                                                                  B.R. Johnston

P.S. I should have sent you money, but I told you when you went away, to tell your uncle Syd to give you whatever you required, and I would repay him. You are wrong in not truly appreciating him at his real worth: nor in confiding in a warmth and generosity of character merely veiled by coldness & reserve of manner. Correct this, and learn to do him justice in your opinion & more than that, your affections.    

[B.R. Johnston = Beverly Randolph Johnston (1803-1876)

Eliza = Eliza Mary Johnston (1825-1909)

Pres = John Preston Johnston (1824-1847)

Syd = Algernon Sidney Johnston (1801-1852)
Aunt Sally = Sarah "Sally" Buchanan Preston Floyd (1802-1879) or, possibly, Sarah Buchanan Campbell Preston (1778-1846), who wrote her last will and testament in 1844.  

Wade Hampton, Jr. = Wade Hampton II (1791-1858); or Wade Hampton III (1818-1902), who had married Margaret Buchanan Frances Preston (1818-1852), in Washington County, Virginia, on October 10, 1838.]

[Many thanks to Sue Davis, William Myers, Mary Davy and Sally Young for their ongoing research collaboration.]