As there appears to be a possibility of sending a letter to you, my precious one, by the help of Captain Smith, I write to tell you something of what I have felt in the last few days. Our life at this time is but a succession of excitements & troubles -- varied in subject & intensity but ever wearing and straining our hearts. When Harvey [a servant or slave, not Harvey Mitchell, Jane's husband] came back from Liberty and told me he had seen you in the Cars [rail], I felt so stunned & amazed at first that I could not even weep -- but all that night my mind followed you & my lovely darling along the dark road. I saw you thin & pale and harassed -- worn with fatigue & anxiety about your husband, passing on to Louisville to stop his intended journey. Oh dear me, how the mother's heart shared your troubles on that long journey -- how many ardent prayers were sent up to Heaven for your safety and prosperous arrival. I do trust that our petitions have been graciously heard & that you have been safely lodged, for some days, beneath the roof of the dear little cottage. Last Friday came another letter from Milton [Binckley], dated 17th July, saying that he abandoned all idea of coming to Virginia. Judge then what was my dismay & grief, last night, on receiving a dispatch from him, saying he was in Richmond, waiting for Mary [i.e. Lou]. It was not too late for me to send a dispatch, or even a letter (Sam Wingfield came out about eight o'clock to bring Milton's) & I felt perfectly wild with the idea of Milton's hearing from the Blairs that you were still in Norfolk, & going there to seek you. However, after a while I found out that Charlotte [Charlotte Elizabeth Mitchell/Michel] had read the dispatch, & promptly answered it, saying what way you had gone -- but for this, matters would have been still worse. My poor dear child, what a bitter disappointment awaited you on your arrival!
How my heart aches for you and poor Milton today, both in such torturing suspense. My child, what way could we turn in these trying times, if we had not a steady trust in God? Yo His gracious care I try continually to commit you & yours "knowing that He careth for you." This trust supports me now, in my days of adversity. I firmly believe that He will provide, & I am willing, I think, to accept whatever His wisdom appoints.
We have such peculiar cause for thankfulness for the preservation of nearly everyone who went from the country, Capt. Winston Radford [1820-1861; 2nd Virginia Cavalry] -- not Carlson -- is the only one I know of that was killed: a noble fellow leaves a young wife & seven children. Sam's shoulder was brushed by a bomb, and the buckle of his belt shot off, but he unhurt amidst a shower of lead & iron. The first news we had of the battle [First Manassas or Bull Run] was a rumor that Sam was wounded. We did not get authentic accounts contradicting this until nearly 12 Monday night. I need not say how Lucy suffered. James & Robert A. [?] each heard the other had fallen, and each spent great part of the night searching for the other [but did] not meet until late Monday. Imagine them on that field of horror, turning over dead men, & looking in their faces for a brother's features. Jack is at Uncle Tom's. I spent yesterday with him, & received from his lips many details confirming the statements given in the Va. papers. All concur in attributing the victory to the interposition of the Most High. His arm was stretched to save & help.
Josephine has spent three days here with me. I love her dearly, & even think her worthy of Jack & have no doubt they are engaged. He does not fight -- acts only as chaplain, feels so much for you. Josephine so laments not having seen you. Ellen Blair lost a cousin & had two uncles wounded. We have heard that Carrington was captured. Is it true? I await in deepest anxiety the next news from you. God grant it may be good. All send more love than I can put in. May every blessing attend you, my beloved child, your husband & my pet lamb. Your [Aunt] Lilly [Lydia Mulligan Sims McLane Johnston, 1822-1887] has been to see Joe [Joseph Eggleston Johnston]. I pine to see my husband.
Your
Mother
Original manuscript in the John Milton Binckley papers, 1816-1943. Library of Congress Manuscript Division Washington, D.C. 20540 USA. This is my rough transcription.
Many thanks to William Myers for sending scanned copies of the documents from the Binckley papers, and also to Mary Davy and Sally Young for their assistance over the past few years.
Map from University of Nebraska at Lincoln, "Railroads and the Making of Modern America: A Digital History Project." http://railroads.unl.edu/views/
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